It is Thursday, April 27th at 11:33 a.m. when I am starting this post. My morning has been hell! I am telling you pure hell and I have not even been home to do anything there. There was a huge quarrel in our office that carried on for an hour. It started out work related with the boss and his son and then ended as a family quarrel. There were many things said that I hope to goodness they will regret later. Things going as far as worthless father, worthless piece of shit and came out more and more. I was like OMG! There are just things like that you don't say. Not even in the mix of anger. I was ready to cry for them. It was truly sad. No one here in the office wanted to hear any of that.

I actually thought today was going to start out great. I suppose I was wrong after that lasted for about an hour or so. Last night was pretty good. I finally gave John something to work with to try to fix us. It is rather simple. I don't mind doing what I have to do to make sure things run accordingly. One thing and a very important thing that I need from him is for him to be more romancing. Some how that got lost and is far from being found. Before I heard every excuse why he could not do things that were romantic for me. Now there is no excuse and it is not there. I like the feel of being needy and wanted and not just for the cleaning, cooking, laundry service and the urges. I don't know any woman that totally enjoys everything but romance. Is that so wrong of me to want? The other thing I miss about "us" is the way we use to miss each other through the day. I don't feel that anymore. I don't feel that eagerness to hurry up and get home to see him.

I am a little concerned about this recruitment thing for the police department. Concerned because I don't know what he will decide to do with it. If he will actually follow through with it I know I will be nervous given his position. But I suppose it won't be much different from when he spent the year in Iraq. The big difference is if something happens to him here I am so close. If he does not take it will he just stick out where he is at right now? All are questions we have not had the time to sit down and discuss. He ask what to do and I just want him to do what is going to make him happy. I think this would because he has been wanting to do it for some time now. We will just play the waiting game.

John is suppose to be out of the national guard now. I have been on his butt about getting all that taken care of to get out. Maybe that makes me sound horrible but given all the circumstances it really would not. If I don't pressure him and him pressure them who knows what would happen. This is military we are talking about. They take so long to do paperwork and they don't do it accurately the first time. He was suppose to be getting a purple heart from his truck being hit with an IED and having some wounds. We have yet to see that. Who knows where that paperwork is or what happened with it.

My new babysitter, the mother of a lady I work with, is having to handle my child having tantrums. I found out today that she had one over there. How do you break a one year old from throwing down her cup and laying out kicking and screaming? It gets worse if I spank her butt. I suppose I am not doing it right or something. I am going to have to do something with that. That is one of the most annoying things for me. I have a feeling my hands are so full with her that I am going to need some kind of mommy vision or something. I thought the oldest one was bad, I doubt I have seen anything.

Alrighty then, I am closing this up and finding something else to move on to. I have plenty to move out of my way but and so tired to handle it. TATA for now.