Tempered!
Here lately there have been many things that have crossed my path in which I have been so unsure of how to handle it. My dad's side of the family has a temper and for so many years now I have pushed it in the closet and let him set without showing the ugly face. This weekend I saw it. This weekend I saw that harsh side of my temper. I had had enough of everything and everyone. That one more thing happened and I lost it. I threw a bottle so hard into the door. I did a lot of crying.
I have been trying to communicate a lot with John and it seems that sometimes he understands what I am saying and other times it is in and out just that quick. I finally told him last week that I was so damn close to the depression state that it was unreal. I could not handle anything else that was blocking my path and not sure what my reaction would be. Finally I think I have gotten his attention with things and he is helping me out more. He has not complained about it either. Every now and again he is slipping up and missing but I am there trying to put him back in place.
He is considering opening his own business. That in itself would just be the push to send me in that state. I am the one to stress over things where he just lets them roll with the flow. I can't do that. I have to plan out things and know what is going on.
Me on the other hand. I am trying to relax and get where I need to be. I am going to pull out of this state I am in and be happier in doing so. I have accomplished letting him back in on my feelings even though I think he is not happy hearing them. I missed my husband very much and still miss the man I married. This one that came home from Iraq is so different. So confined within himself that it is hard to handle sometimes. The once loving husband that was so sweet and considerate has gotten lost somewhere and made me feel that he did not need me anymore. Hopefully that will all work out in the end. We are trying to get back there. I don't expect them to be back to the way they were before he left because of the kids but I don't expect to be last either. Enough on this subject.
We were care shopping a lot on Saturday after visiting my mom for mother's day. Finally after long days of looking and searching the internet for consumer reports we got a 2006 Pontiac torrent. I signed the papers on my first brand new vehicle with 11 miles on it. I was so excited. I am not excited with the note after not having it and having money to save but hey we needed it. I am really proud of it.
Everyone else is doing well. The kids are growing up and I am wondering where the time goes. Alyssa, the oldest, is so excited because she is starting Kindergarten this year. She finished headstart and is ready to go back. Jessica is able to say things and you finally figure out what she wants. We are still working on that mommy temper she has that gets hurt butt popped A LOT.
Enough of my ranting. This is all I have been up to.
I have been trying to communicate a lot with John and it seems that sometimes he understands what I am saying and other times it is in and out just that quick. I finally told him last week that I was so damn close to the depression state that it was unreal. I could not handle anything else that was blocking my path and not sure what my reaction would be. Finally I think I have gotten his attention with things and he is helping me out more. He has not complained about it either. Every now and again he is slipping up and missing but I am there trying to put him back in place.
He is considering opening his own business. That in itself would just be the push to send me in that state. I am the one to stress over things where he just lets them roll with the flow. I can't do that. I have to plan out things and know what is going on.
Me on the other hand. I am trying to relax and get where I need to be. I am going to pull out of this state I am in and be happier in doing so. I have accomplished letting him back in on my feelings even though I think he is not happy hearing them. I missed my husband very much and still miss the man I married. This one that came home from Iraq is so different. So confined within himself that it is hard to handle sometimes. The once loving husband that was so sweet and considerate has gotten lost somewhere and made me feel that he did not need me anymore. Hopefully that will all work out in the end. We are trying to get back there. I don't expect them to be back to the way they were before he left because of the kids but I don't expect to be last either. Enough on this subject.
We were care shopping a lot on Saturday after visiting my mom for mother's day. Finally after long days of looking and searching the internet for consumer reports we got a 2006 Pontiac torrent. I signed the papers on my first brand new vehicle with 11 miles on it. I was so excited. I am not excited with the note after not having it and having money to save but hey we needed it. I am really proud of it.
Everyone else is doing well. The kids are growing up and I am wondering where the time goes. Alyssa, the oldest, is so excited because she is starting Kindergarten this year. She finished headstart and is ready to go back. Jessica is able to say things and you finally figure out what she wants. We are still working on that mommy temper she has that gets hurt butt popped A LOT.
Enough of my ranting. This is all I have been up to.
posted by Christy at 5:58 AM
1 Comments:
(((Christy))) Hugs to you.
It is so hard when everything we were used to changes when they come home. He will never be the same, but John and you will eventually find yourselves together.
I wish John well in his new business.
Next time I plan a trip, I am taking you with me. You need some "All About Me" time.
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