What is going on with me?

Well, there is not much going on here. Just same old crap just a different day. I have things running rapid in my head that just don't make any sense and are tending to drive me a bit insane. I am at that point in my life that I am not sure what is going on and where I am heading but I shall soon figure this great question out.

I am at that point where I dread the whole coming home to things because there is never anything that changes much. I still have a ton of housework to do, bills to pay, and other shit to handle. The more I try the more that I am the one getting squished. I don't know how or where to start to handle this either way. I think that to some great degree I will be 30 and going to the damn looney toon bin. Least the rooms there are padded and quiet. The kids have started this she did game that all kids hit. I just thought that I had more time. More time less tantrums. Boy was I wrong. Way Wrong! The oldest has figured out oh to well how to hit the buttons and boy does she ever. The youngest is following along very nicely. Needless to say the belt is permantly attached within reach. I hear people say the wooden spoons work well too but I am not attempting that one by any means. I have flip flops that I bought especially for spankings.

I met up with an old friend again. It has been rather nice. He tends to make me feel good about things. Then he asked the question that I am sure that I had thought about but never pondered on it long. He asked why I was not better off than I am now. I have not moved ahead in my job or completed the whole real estate agent things. I took classes years ago to do that and then I never did because I put my husband first and our oldest. That meant my sacrificing of anything that I wanted to do. I know already I was wrong in doing that. TOok me years to see this. Then I had another child. Now I have met the ultimate sacrifices where I am ready for that 50/50 marriage and the time for me to do things that I should have done before and never did. Question is will there ever be that 50/50 in my marriage? Will there ever be a good time for me to go back to school? Right now I feel so stretched thin on things that I want and need to do for me. Right now I feel like being a wife, mother, employee and housekeeper is sucking every little ounce out of me. I know already comes with being a mother. Right?

Work is going alright. THings here could be much better and hopefully soon they will be. Maybe one day John will make enough money where I can stay home and do what I want. I can not see this happening but maybe one day. He is doing well with what he has right now but we shall see where this is heading. There are only 2 roads for that one.

We had some snow today and it was gorgeous. I mean really pretty all neatly laid out on the ground. The shining white ground made for a great waking morning minus the freezing once you step out the front door. Unfortunately, I still managed to come to work as the roads were not to terrible. Icy in some areas but for the most part snow covered that was beaten to brown by all the traffic and then you could see the ice. As I drove in this morning I turned on the road my job is on. Looking around I could see things that brought on a smile. The memories of way back when there were alot more trees around and alot less houses. In a thicket I saw snow covered ground and the trees that had snow laid up on the branches. It was such a great great sight. I had to stop in the middle of the road just to take a picture. As you can tell I get so excited because we don't get much snow.