Easter 2005

I did this funny face on my easter egg

What did I do?

How many eggs are there in there?

Aren't we cute? Mom made us dress up!

This is my first Easter and YOu want me to do what?

My weekend

My weekend has been alot of relaxing and rest. I have had the occassional housework that had to be done but otherwise I have not done much of anything. I am going to just enjoy it very much because it is not every weekend that I get this. I have finally gotten my pictures off of my camera and can now get some posted.

My girls and their rough housing around.

The boys and their computer games.

There are none of me because I am the one with the camera. HEHE! It has been a great weekend though.

I have more pictures of the girls to post from Easter. They were so cute.

It is Thursday, April 27th at 11:33 a.m. when I am starting this post. My morning has been hell! I am telling you pure hell and I have not even been home to do anything there. There was a huge quarrel in our office that carried on for an hour. It started out work related with the boss and his son and then ended as a family quarrel. There were many things said that I hope to goodness they will regret later. Things going as far as worthless father, worthless piece of shit and came out more and more. I was like OMG! There are just things like that you don't say. Not even in the mix of anger. I was ready to cry for them. It was truly sad. No one here in the office wanted to hear any of that.

I actually thought today was going to start out great. I suppose I was wrong after that lasted for about an hour or so. Last night was pretty good. I finally gave John something to work with to try to fix us. It is rather simple. I don't mind doing what I have to do to make sure things run accordingly. One thing and a very important thing that I need from him is for him to be more romancing. Some how that got lost and is far from being found. Before I heard every excuse why he could not do things that were romantic for me. Now there is no excuse and it is not there. I like the feel of being needy and wanted and not just for the cleaning, cooking, laundry service and the urges. I don't know any woman that totally enjoys everything but romance. Is that so wrong of me to want? The other thing I miss about "us" is the way we use to miss each other through the day. I don't feel that anymore. I don't feel that eagerness to hurry up and get home to see him.

I am a little concerned about this recruitment thing for the police department. Concerned because I don't know what he will decide to do with it. If he will actually follow through with it I know I will be nervous given his position. But I suppose it won't be much different from when he spent the year in Iraq. The big difference is if something happens to him here I am so close. If he does not take it will he just stick out where he is at right now? All are questions we have not had the time to sit down and discuss. He ask what to do and I just want him to do what is going to make him happy. I think this would because he has been wanting to do it for some time now. We will just play the waiting game.

John is suppose to be out of the national guard now. I have been on his butt about getting all that taken care of to get out. Maybe that makes me sound horrible but given all the circumstances it really would not. If I don't pressure him and him pressure them who knows what would happen. This is military we are talking about. They take so long to do paperwork and they don't do it accurately the first time. He was suppose to be getting a purple heart from his truck being hit with an IED and having some wounds. We have yet to see that. Who knows where that paperwork is or what happened with it.

My new babysitter, the mother of a lady I work with, is having to handle my child having tantrums. I found out today that she had one over there. How do you break a one year old from throwing down her cup and laying out kicking and screaming? It gets worse if I spank her butt. I suppose I am not doing it right or something. I am going to have to do something with that. That is one of the most annoying things for me. I have a feeling my hands are so full with her that I am going to need some kind of mommy vision or something. I thought the oldest one was bad, I doubt I have seen anything.

Alrighty then, I am closing this up and finding something else to move on to. I have plenty to move out of my way but and so tired to handle it. TATA for now.

I am Back!

Okay I know it has been a while since I posted here. Things here are crazy here lately. It is emotional rollercoaster for some reason. I am not sure what all is going on.

John and I are having some unresolved issues. I am sure that both of us being stubborn and being away for a year and 2 months did not help anything. We are both setting in our ways right now that we tend to piss each other off really well every 2 days or so. I must say though, he is working on it or trying to work on it. Someone said it was that 5 year slump and maybe they are right but I sure hope this is it. I thought making it through everything until now was so hard but this is worse. He gets pissed and that hurts my feelings but then we don't get to agree because well lets face it we don't admit either of us is wrong. I am sure we are going to be fine after we find that happy medium again. I am having alot of lonely feelings. I really miss the man that I married. I know what he was like before and there is a part of him that is not there any more. I am not sure how to bring that great person side of him back either. I just have to keep hoping that it will come back soon before I am to crazy to handle anything else.

The kids are all growing up and thinking that they are grown. ALyssa has found the internet games for kids. That has become a nonstop bug the mom for the internet and the computer. So now I made JOhn plug in the desktop I had before for one of us to piddle on. It is unreal she is only 4. Jessica on the other hand is going to be my wild child. She is proving to be so darn stubborn. Spank her butt once and you have to do it many more times before she comprehends anything. I am thinking that they get that from John.

I have many more random thoughts in my head that are all bogged down right now. I had a layout of what to say once I got here and that has all the sudden been lost amoung the exhaustion.

I had to move the blog off of myspace.com and come back here. There were some issues to come up where some asshole decided to never comment anything to me but instead say something to someone I live with. I thought that was absolutely assholeish on dudes part. There is no one in my house that can control my thoughts, typing or anything else about me. I feel like should he have had a problem with my views or had a concern about something I said he could have easily used the freakin comment and said so. That boiled me over and over and over for 3 damn days. Finally I am writing that off as another idiot that has no clue on women. I find that was very much unappreciated.

Work is hopefully picking up and I am hoping that it will continue. I have many things that I should be working on for work but nothing that I really want to do. I am finding that there are so many things distracting me here lately from me doing what I know that I should be doing. My to do list is constantly getting longer and longer.


Well, it is getting late and I have to work tomorrow. I have a few things to do before heading off to bed. So until next time. Good night Have a great one.

All is okay I think!

Well, everything here is going just as it is. That is about all that it is doing thus far. I have had a lot of things going on so far and hate to say that I have been neglecting my site some. I have to get things properly organized in my head to get back to what I want for me. I know that is an issue. I have lost sight of what I want for me to and how to make it real for me.

The family here is great. They seem to need me more and more on a daily basis and this consumes a lot of my time. It kinda sucks to be relied upon that much but what do you do? I have to tend to my kids.

A bit ago John went for a vasectomy and has recovered well from that. It was just so much simpler for him to handle that area than I. Now I often wonder if we did the right thing by that or not. A big part of me is wanting to try for another baby. I don't really know why that is either. I just know my kids are really growing up and the urge to want another one is so right there and could smack me in the face any time. Kinda sucks there too I guess.

My friends are making more steps than I am. I have one in PA that is becoming independent again. I am so very proud of her. I think by not giving up on her she did not give up on herself and knows how much she is loved. Her husband is just not so nice to her at all. It is ridiculous what she is putting up with and her little boy sees it all.
Another friend moved back down here to Mississippi from Arkansas. Same situation but no kids are involved in hers. She seems alright with it. Then again I am not having to live with her.

I have been pondering so much here lately on things. I have some issues that are needing some attention. I have questions that are never going to have answers. That is boggling down my mind. I don't know how to explain that situation but I am beginning to loose my sight of a lot of things. Things that I have already had some lessons learned that are now biting me in the butt. I have more issues that are needing some help from the hubby. No Not Like That You dirty minded person! I mean communication issues. Commitment issues. It seems that some reason some men have commitment issues along with communication problems. Well, this is becoming a serious problem because my mind just has to know things.

I don't fully understand why men have problems opening completely up to someone. Seems that they only tell you half the shit and the other half is hidden in there somewhere. Well, I have decided that I have to make a stand on things. If I am not getting what I want then there is no one getting what they want from me. Excluding my kids of course! Well, I have to go now and do some housework. YUCK!

Birthday Party Checked Off to do list!

Well, the birthday party for my youngest is now able to be checked off the list. I have completed that task. I think it was well worth the hassles of life there. Jessica has turned 1 already and things have been so great watching her grow up and learn new things. That is something very very special there.

The party was great. There was so much happening that day that it was hard for my mind to function. I think the more I tried to stay calm and collected the more it went everywhere but where it needed to be. Should I start planning now for the oldest ones party or what? Hummmm!!

Kristin, mother of the oldest child, and I are getting along much better right now. We are mending the fences there and bearing in there for the long haul when it comes to the child. It is really necessary for the sake of the child. I suppose that as time has come past Kristin is not really that bad after all. She is after all a single mom and full time employee. I have to give her some credit that Alyssa is taken care of well.

John and I are doing alright. I always expect to some point for it to get much much better but I can not see it right now. We will just have to see. He has been home for almost 4 months now and been through many many doctors visits and surgery, minor of course. So maybe one day our communications will mend and the relationship there will do the same. I am trying all that I know. WE will see what happens.

Have to run. Will post more soonish.