Just rants...

Here lately things have been pretty good. Things at home are just so. Taking the good with the bad. That is about all we can do sometimes. I have been in the doctor’s office for the past couple of weeks now for this or that and no one can really say one way or the other on what is going on.

One of my best friends and I had the opportunity to take a short road trip this weekend. It was rather interesting to say the least. I can see already that things with her are never going to make my life one of a dull nature anymore. We carried her son to meet his dad which was a good 3.5 hour trip for us. But before we made it to the hotel where we had booked it was ending up to be dang near an all day drive. We did however get some shopping in. That was nice. We got to sleep later because we had no children with us. I was shocked. J I rather enjoyed it though. Miss my kids, of course I did.

Yesterday, upon arriving home my oldest had already gone back to her mother and my youngest was once again in trouble. Trouble is nothing unusual for this child. She is almost 2 and I swear I am going to pull my hair out with her. The mama’s baby is coming out in her every time she gets in trouble.

Last night my husband then tells me that his sister has asked for some advice on what to do. I was like do on what. Apparently, his bio father has gotten a new wife that has chosen to find them. She has reached that goal thanks to the wonderful myspace thing. Usually I would have no problems on anyone contacting him or wanting to have a so called relationship with him. I am all for that family bond. This is however something totally different. John and I have been married almost 6 years and in 6 years I have only heard of this man trying to contact him once in that amount of time. John refused and would have rather not had anything to do with him. Now that I find out more and more, all of course hearsay, I am inclined to agree not wanting to have contact. I am by no means going to allow some fly by night family into the lives of my kids only to disappoint them every time. Reality tosses enough of disappointment as it is. The ultimate decision is my husbands but I have asked they not let him over to my house or near my kids. I am not sure that this is a man that I would like to meet myself much less have my children to meet. If that says how much hearsay I have heard.

Last year John’s sister contacted him and then not long after that his grandfather on his bio-father’s side. All of which I had hard time handling. I was not sure of what to say or how to handle it. But I moved past it. I am in contact with all of them myself. We are suppose to be meeting all of them this year. We shall see what happens. I am just not sure I am ready for this venture.

Otherwise all is well. The business seems to be busy at a steady pace. I am working on getting all the books in line. I hope to have them done sometime in the near future. I hope soonish because we are already behind on getting them input.

Another day in my life...

Today is one fine Monday. Not a lot of things are happening around here. I am feeling the stress in my life on my health right now. I am just not sure how to fix it. I know everyone says to relax and take time for yourself but that is one statement that can be easily said but so hard to do at times.

So far at work things are working well. I am moving on ahead of things and now trying to plot out how to make my office clutter free. After reading some about this stress and the effects of it, I can say that it is time to find a fix for it. No one else will be able to do it but me. I have to take this time and make things flow easier for me and handle them the ways that they should be handled and should have been handled from the beginning.

I have been trying to read a weight loss book that my room mate ever so kindly bought off of one of those infomercials. Needless to say I will not let him have any more cards and be unsupervised while away. I am happy he did go on and buy the book though. It is rather interesting reading. So far I have learned that this weight loss failure has nothing to do with what we eat or even how much. But I have learned that it is more of all the mess that they put in our foods now. That is what is causing us all to pack on the pounds and if you are heavier your metabolism is not very active to rid a lot of the foods we eat. I am eager to get back to the book to find out what he is going to talk about as I get deeper in the book. This book has caught my attention which is usually harder to do if it is not one of the juicy romance books full of details.

As with the book another thing on my platter of doing is curling up and watching all the seasons of Smallville. Somehow, I have managed to become an addict to this show. I am not sure if it is all about the interest of just that that boy is one fine hunk of ham. Whatever the cause may be there I am sunk into it. My routines have consisted of hurry up and make it to the bed and curl up watching this show for hours on end.

I am, however, being persistent in writing in my journal at home. That is sort of my relief from the long day at hand. I try to keep the complaints down sometimes but the venting is still there in my writings.

Work is okay. I have a lot of stress coming at me from there. I am not so sure that it is more stress or more worries. Worries are higher than the normal with all the cutting back and such. Cutting back on the building of homes and that means less workers. However, we are developing subdivisions still and selling more on real estate. I am hoping that this year will be much better in the long run.

This month is Jessica’s birthday and I have things ordered for the party. I have to work on getting the present and getting the rest of it arranged. I have a few details that are still up in the air. Things that are really important like where to have it and on what day to have it. I am sure it will all come to place here soon. I hope anyways.

Alyssa is getting older and smarter as we all knew she would. AT times I think entirely to smart for her age. She is one of those children that is always trying to push and see how far one will twist and turn for her to have her way. I am noticing that the more she does not get her way the more she will push and do anything to get it. There are times that I am not sure how to handle all the trials this child is pounding out at me. Some are directly at me and others toward her sister. I am not sure what that whole deal is. All of this makes me thankful we have a room mate for the other set of eyes and ears of what is going on. He is to some degree my rescuer.

Anyways, I have more work to do rather than rant on and on.

Just another day.

This has been one hell of a week for me. Things just aren’t working out the way that I want them too. I suppose that will never in a million and one years happen.

Here lately there are many changes that I am noticing and maybe some others are too but no one has said anything. I am finding difficulty keeping my head free of the clutter and staying ahead. It is almost like I am overwhelmed with things that I should be doing and getting done and can’t find the time or energy to handle any of it. I already have depression/anxiety pills. They work but they don’t give me that extra energy to handle everything. Now all I need is something to increase the amount of hours in my days. I already run on little sleep most nights.

As for the business, well it is going alright. I am about to start keeping the books. I am not sure that I am looking forward to that or not. That is all going to depend on if John and I can get along well. I am sure that it will be a learning experience for the both of us. I think I may have to double my meds to handle him. Lucky for me after our last spat he called and made his appointment with the VA and maybe they will give him something to mellow him out. We have good times but when they are bad they are bad. I swore that I would never work for him but the books have to be kept. Least with him I can tell him easily what I think and how I think it.

My trip to Wisconsin for a friend’s wedding is still set on Go. I am really starting to look forward to the break. Maybe then I can break my daily routine that is getting me in trouble. I notice that as a change too. I have set myself in some sort of daily routine and it is by far a good thing. If I could change that it would be much easier and better for me.

As my youngest child approaches her 2nd birthday it makes me a little sad. For me I don’t miss being pregnant nor would I want to be again but I would love to have more children. I brought up adoption some time back to my husband and he is not for all of that. I just don’t understand that but to each his own I suppose. The urge to have more children without bearing my fruits of labor is so strong there. I know already that my life is crazy enough that I am better off not having more kids in it but maybe one day I will have a bigger house and be better to adopt more children. My oldest is turning 6 this year and is a doozey. She already thinks she has outgrown us. Lucky for me the guys can handle her. I can handle her but there are some times that I can not handle that mouth of hers. She is one smart little cookie. I suppose that all parents say that about their kids.

My job is still hanging on there by a thread. I am a little nervous about what will take place as it is right now. I am sure to be okay but the stress is still there. I have been looking at my other options and hope that I don’t have to resort to any of them. I am rather bored but I can handle it. I have a lot of things that I could work on but nothing that will really challenge my mind. Maybe I will try my hand at taking a few classes. I don’t really know right off hand.

That is all that I have at this point. Just a bunch of stress in my area right now.

What is going on with me?

Well, there is not much going on here. Just same old crap just a different day. I have things running rapid in my head that just don't make any sense and are tending to drive me a bit insane. I am at that point in my life that I am not sure what is going on and where I am heading but I shall soon figure this great question out.

I am at that point where I dread the whole coming home to things because there is never anything that changes much. I still have a ton of housework to do, bills to pay, and other shit to handle. The more I try the more that I am the one getting squished. I don't know how or where to start to handle this either way. I think that to some great degree I will be 30 and going to the damn looney toon bin. Least the rooms there are padded and quiet. The kids have started this she did game that all kids hit. I just thought that I had more time. More time less tantrums. Boy was I wrong. Way Wrong! The oldest has figured out oh to well how to hit the buttons and boy does she ever. The youngest is following along very nicely. Needless to say the belt is permantly attached within reach. I hear people say the wooden spoons work well too but I am not attempting that one by any means. I have flip flops that I bought especially for spankings.

I met up with an old friend again. It has been rather nice. He tends to make me feel good about things. Then he asked the question that I am sure that I had thought about but never pondered on it long. He asked why I was not better off than I am now. I have not moved ahead in my job or completed the whole real estate agent things. I took classes years ago to do that and then I never did because I put my husband first and our oldest. That meant my sacrificing of anything that I wanted to do. I know already I was wrong in doing that. TOok me years to see this. Then I had another child. Now I have met the ultimate sacrifices where I am ready for that 50/50 marriage and the time for me to do things that I should have done before and never did. Question is will there ever be that 50/50 in my marriage? Will there ever be a good time for me to go back to school? Right now I feel so stretched thin on things that I want and need to do for me. Right now I feel like being a wife, mother, employee and housekeeper is sucking every little ounce out of me. I know already comes with being a mother. Right?

Work is going alright. THings here could be much better and hopefully soon they will be. Maybe one day John will make enough money where I can stay home and do what I want. I can not see this happening but maybe one day. He is doing well with what he has right now but we shall see where this is heading. There are only 2 roads for that one.

We had some snow today and it was gorgeous. I mean really pretty all neatly laid out on the ground. The shining white ground made for a great waking morning minus the freezing once you step out the front door. Unfortunately, I still managed to come to work as the roads were not to terrible. Icy in some areas but for the most part snow covered that was beaten to brown by all the traffic and then you could see the ice. As I drove in this morning I turned on the road my job is on. Looking around I could see things that brought on a smile. The memories of way back when there were alot more trees around and alot less houses. In a thicket I saw snow covered ground and the trees that had snow laid up on the branches. It was such a great great sight. I had to stop in the middle of the road just to take a picture. As you can tell I get so excited because we don't get much snow.

Not Much.

I have not much to update here. Just moving about into a regular routine. Sometimes things are good and sometimes not so great. Just managing the times as they hit. Ready to have time to myself and enjoy it.

Here lately I find it hard to enjoy time because of a busy schedule with work, kids, house and everything else. I have an old friend that has decided on coming back around. That makes my day. He and I get along fabulously and when things tend to bum me out alot and I get depressed he tends to know what to say and how. Just makes one feel good I suppose. I have learned real quickly that I have some great friends.

It has been one fun filled year to say the least. Things are starting off okay. I am getting things working and trying to get a trip planned out and ready to go in April. I am squishing things out of my hubby. Some things are still on my nerves but he says they will get better. We shall see. We shall See. At least my job is half ass great anyways. I say half ass because it is the only thing I get peace at. I don't have to stress much while I am there.

The kids are getting bigger and think they are grown. Wrong answer there. They are still able to get butts spanked. Boy can I tell terrible 2's are hitting. Not to mention the 5 year old things all attitude is goign to get her somewhere. What do kids really think today?? Do I want to really know??

Happy New Year One and All!

Welcome 2007! I am sure that 2006 was a tough one for many of us. I just hope that things go well in 2007. The start has been one of which that is great.

Wanna read something interesting find it somewhere else lady that reads to find something to talk about with her friend. Yeah I know that much!

To those that that comment does not apply for I will have more here soonish. I am sorry for the rude comment for those that don't apply to that one.

More from Me!

This year has been going by super fast. For some strange and unknown reason I just can't find the mood for the holidays. I have been trying to find it and can't. We did our Christmas with the girls tonight and they seemed to really enjoy the gifts. It was the first year when Jessica got into opening them herself. I loved it.I would have loved it more to do Santa but hey what can I say. I have to improvise here for the many reasons.

My job is secure for another year anyways. I did find that out this week. He seems real impressed with my work. I am wanting to improve more in the manner in which I handle things but we shall see once the new year starts. My bonus was rather nice and unexpected all the same. I won't complain or brag on it. It helps out. There were others that were depressed more!

At home things are so so. They are not the greatest but not the worst either. Just here. There are my days when I get so pissy with things that I just want some me time. The only problem with that is that there is none for me. I am always doing something or there are always people around. The only time for me is early early in the morning and that is usually when I am in the shower enjoying the shower. Oh the joy. I am not by any means complaining about the house and the people but at some point in time it would be nice for me to have a little break and be able to do as I wish. I am sure that that day is not in the near future by any means.

I wish everyone happy holidays! Hope you enjoy your time with your families.